she was the roughest toughest frail...

things i want to do more than celebrate/acknowledge my birthday this year.

scrub my entire house with a toothbrush and then clean my teeth with it.
spend a day in the sewer rescuing orphaned rats.
bake myself a cake of rice pudding and cottage cheese and choke on it.
lock myself in a coffin with nothing but a cassette player containing mika’s greatest hits.
replace all water (drinking, bathing or otherwise) with vodka.
go to my lecture naked, respond to all questions and stand up to do so.
watch nothing but 500 days of summer, twilight and equilibrium on repeat, taking regular breaks only to listen to either screamo or those awful cover songs by people who can’t sing that they play in matalan because they’re not allowed to play the originals.
be strapped to a chair while people simultaneously rip off my fingernails, poke me in the eye and fiddle with my hair.
i could go on.